Colgate Smile
by Aeriscetra12
Summary: A former minion of Sauron had been hired to appear in a Colgate commercial. Will he be successful at advertising or will he bring ruin? Disregarding the fact that the minion was killed in the movie. Read and Review please! Thanks.


Disclaimer: Mouth of Sauron belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien while Colgate belongs to the makers of the minty toothpaste No copyright infringement intended.

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An air of quiet menace surrounded the figure as he got out of the taxi and proceeded to the building in front of him. The crunch of the gravel sounded as the being clothed all in black walked across the parking lot and into the grayish building. 

As the figure entered, a flash of something sharp appeared in the only space not covered by his helmet. It was a smile.

The Mouth of Sauron had arrived at his first job since being suddenly unemployed when his mast- … his former boss had unfortunately exploded under the great pressure of managing the task of taking over the world.

_Soon…_ The dark being thought with glee. _Soon, I shall dominate over the toothpaste industry with my dazzling qualifications… and then… the WORLD!_

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The first impression the executive producer had of the being who had walked onto the set, was of doubt and dread.

_This is the guy who is supposed to be an expert in doing commercials? _

At the same time, the being in question spotted the supreme boss of the set. Walking up to the doubtful producer confidently, he introduced himself.

"Greetings. You must be James Whist, the executive producer of this Colget commercial. I am Michael Orson Scott. The person you talked on the telabome." introduced the Mouth of Sauron as pleasantly as he could manage after taking all those Miss Manners classes.

"Ah. Yes. Mr. Scott. How do you do?" replied Whist as he stuck out his hand for the other person to shake, while trying to convince himself that he did not smell any foul odor or see any disgusting sharp teeth from the person in front of him. "I must say, it is a great surprise to see you. I had imagined you to be quite… different, talking to you through the **telephone **about this **Colgate** commercial. I have a feeling that today will be a very unique day for the both of us."

In accordance with the customs of these modern mortals, the Mouth of Sauron aka. Michael Orson Scott shook Mr. Whist's outstretched hand, not noticing the sudden grimace on the producer's face. Then James Whist quickly passed his newly hired actor to the production assistant, Susan Geds, leading the former minion of Sauron to the dressing room.

The Mouth of Sauron turned this way and that, admiring his nicely sharpened teeth in the mirror. After many years of careful treatments done by himself (he didn't trust ANYONE to care for his precious teeth), the former supporter of Sauron had maintained his teeth's top condition.

_Nice and sharp… CHECK_

_Full grin up to shape… CHECK_

_Color of teeth… CHECK_

_Size of teeth… CHECK_

_Makeup covering scars… CHECK_

With that last check on his mental checklist, the one called Mouth of Sauron adjusted his costume with a quiet disgusted sigh at the bright greens and reds and stepped out to the set to begin his entrance into the toothpaste commercial industry.

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"Ah. Mr. Scott! Here you are at last. No time to talk. I'm Samuel Dink." said a tall heavyset man who rushed at the Mouth of Sauron the second he set foot onto the set. "Ok. What you're going to do is simple. Here's some toothpaste. When Marg, the women in the orange over there says her lines and starts to look sad, you come in and say the lines you were previously given. Any questions so far?"

"No."

"OK then."

After going over a few more fine details, the Mouth of Sauron was patted on the back (which made him almost start on a killing rampage) and wished good luck (_I have no need for the well wishes of these… mortals… _thought the dark immortal glaring at the back of the blissfully unaware Samuel Dink).

Then the Colgate commercial fun began…

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A FEW WEEKS LATER…

The Mouth of Sauron woke up in his bed, feeling that today was going to be a good day. Even though he technically didn't require sleep, but the former minion of Sauron always enjoyed the unconscious state of laziness, on the brink where nothing can bother him. After a few more minutes of languishing in bed, he got up, put on his antique helmet that Sauron personally gave to him centuries ago, and went downstairs.

By means too complicated for the average mortal, the Mouth of Sauron got his daily copy of _The Washington Post_ and sat down to plot his next step in taking over the world over breakfast, the most important meal of the day.

He idly turned on his own big screen television, turned to a random channel and started reading.

"_Washington DC - Police are baffled by a robbery that took place around midnight. Currently they have determined the break-in in the Smithsonian Museum was caused by a professional thief that had been stealing rare artifacts up and down the East Coast."_

Bored by the mundane activities of a common thief, the Mouth of Sauron skimmed down the front page where his eyes suddenly caught onto a headline that made him freeze as he was about to bring his cup of coffee to his lips.

"_COLGATE TOOTHPASTE GOING BANKRUPT"_

Interested, in the news about the company where he had done a commercial for a few weeks earlier, he read on and promptly spit out the mouthful of coffee he just drank.

"_After releasing their new approach to market the Colgate toothpaste, sales have plummeted down to an all-time low. It is no surprise to see the main reason for the sudden drop. In the new commercial, Colgate is featured with a man trying to give advice to a distraught woman. However, sources say that this man, Michael Orson Scott, did not give out a positive influence that would show how the toothpaste helps teeth get whiter. In fact, this man showed the opposite, paving the way for Colgate company to go bankrupt. "We are suing this man." said Mr. Richardson, President of Colgate Company. "We are - GO TO PG. A-4."_

A familiar tune suddenly penetrated the shocked state of the dark minion's mind. Looking up at the TV in front of him, he saw the beginning of the new Colgate commercial. He saw the women, Marg, and then he appeared onscreen.

"_Why are you feeling sad?"_

_"Because none of these toothpaste work! I try, I try, and I try, but nothing will whiten my teeth so I can look presentable. Oh, what ever shall I do?"_

Suddenly, the Mouth of Sauron got a sinking feeling that his new plan to take over the world will not work. Even worse, he is now a laughingstock and the Colgate Company is now out for his blood.

This is NOT a good day at all.

"_Oh my, what… big teeth you have!"_

_"All the more to show the world how shiny Colgate toothpaste has made it, my dear."_

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AN: So, how was it? Funny, kinda funny, just plain bad? I know that there are some things like the people around the Mouth of Sauron would have noticed his bad teeth but just for humor's sake, let's just say they didn't notice enough to kick him off the set. I think only the people who have seen the extended version of Return of the King and saw the Mouth of Sauron and how he kept displaying his teeth would get the picture, but I could be wrong. 

Review and tell me what you think please! Thanks for reading!


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